News of the World
Not totally true, but pretty close.
If you believe in the importance of free speech, subscribe to support uncensored, fearless writing—the more people who pay, the more time I can devote to this. Free speech matters. I am a university professor suspended because of a free speech issue, so I am not speaking from the bleachers. The button below takes you to that story if you like.
Please subscribe and get at least three pieces /essays per week with open comments. It’s $5 per month and less than $USD 4. I know everyone says hey, it’s just a cup of coffee (with me, not per day but just one per month), but if you’re like me, you go, “Hey, I only want so many cups of coffee!” I get it. I don’t subscribe to many here because I can’t afford it.
But I only ask that when you choose your coffee, please choose mine. Cheers.
______________________________________________
_
Gifts Purchased With Your Stolen Credit Card Just Don’t Mean As Much
Justin Trudeau and Ontario Premier Doug Ford, in light of their mutual announcements to offer pre-election debt-financed gifts to taxpayers that taxpayers and their children would have to pay for, decided to hold a joint press conference to announce that they were going to work together to find a better way to buy votes.
“The $250 and $200 gifts remind me of when I used to steal my dad’s credit card to buy him birthday gifts,” Ford confessed. “I don’t know why, but they were never big hits.”
Trudeau added to the discussion that he had never taken his parents' credit cards to get gifts; he had the family chauffeur pick up gifts and then got the cleaning ladies to wrap them.
Rome Burns While PM Flirts With 14-Year-Old Girls
At the recent Taylor Swift concert, a 10th grader, Misty Calburte, was asked who the creepy older guy trying to exchange bracelets with her was. When told it had been Prime Minister Trudeau, she seemed unimpressed.
“He seemed to know all the words, but the way he was trying to dance in his seat was cringe,” she said.
“That claw motion where he looks like he’s trying to pull down curtains was awkward, and then the devil horns thing with his hands was a super old school hand sign and looked like my uncle when he’s drunk and listening to the Scorpions.”
Calburt’s older sister, Sarah, wondered aloud if Trudean’s hand motion was some white supremacist thing or if he was flashing hand signs to gang members. Gang members in Toronto said that Trudeau was not part of their crew.
“We got standards,” said Alvin Mompass, otherwise known as Crazy A. “If we gave this guy a piece, he’d just soil himself and make us look bad. Maybe he’s got coin, but we got standards.”
The sister’s mother, Robin Spider-Calburte, 48, was escorting the sisters.
“Trudeau told Misty that if he loses the next election,” he’d like to return to teaching 9th graders at a private girls school,” Spider-Calburte said. “Trudeau mentioned that if they wouldn’t let him teach, at least the last name would help with fundraising.”
When asked why, as an MP from Montreal, Trudeau hadn’t returned considering the pro-Hamas riots and vandalism that had raged through the night, with police unable to contain thousands of masked rioters, Trudeau just giggled and said, “It’s Taylor,” and then asked another teenager for her phone number.
More Efficient Vote Purchase Plans Developed by Ford Conservatives and Trudeau Liberals
Ford and Trudeau announced they would simplify their vote-buying methods using a reverse bidding engine. “We don’t want to give people their own money if they aren’t going to vote for us,” Ford quipped. “So as soon as early voting starts, we will open the website.“
Trudeau explained that they would take advantage of their Chinese connections for the federal election and said that Independent MP Han Dong had worked out a deal with Chinese e-commerce seller Temu. People would use the vote-buying system to put Temu items in their baskets.
The tighter the race, the more items Temu would allow people to get for free. The Chinese Communist Party said they would cover the cost and would also make another contribution to the Trudeau Foundation.
“It’s a little weird that we didn’t just give this contract to an MP or a staff member,” said Trudeau. “Usually, we like to keep things in-house. But Gerry Butts wanted $50K for the website, and that would work out to being about $75 million, so it was too much.”